


The (Bullet Pointed) Life and Times of Bellamy Blake

by crystalkei, dirtytrix



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cake, Ice Cream, Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalkei/pseuds/crystalkei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtytrix/pseuds/dirtytrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My co author and I have recently discovered each others true humanity through something called "Whatsapp". </p>
<p>This story is essentially a series of text messages. Text messages that tell a story about the love, life and struggles of Bellamy Bartholomew Blake. </p>
<p>Ok so his middle name isn't Bartholomew but it just made that sentence seem so much more dramatic for him to have a middle name. Plus that would make him super BBB.</p>
<p>Possibly more in the future. If you're good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The (Bullet Pointed) Life and Times of Bellamy Blake

**Author's Note:**

> ~Notes by Sharna~  
> I love Bellamy Blake a lot. Ok? Great. Bye. 
> 
> ~Notes by Crystal~  
> LOL AO3 this is so not in format for that but okay.  
> Just put in the notes like, 3 hours of us putting off real life spent crying about BELLAMY Blake.

  * Bellamy and Clarke have all daughters.
  * And Clarke almost doesn’t understand it because straight out of the gate he is SO SOLID in the parenting of girls. 
  * He’s like, “CLARKE THIS IS MY JAM. I GOT THIS. I CAN BRAID HAIR BETTER THAN GROUNDERS. I AM A HAIR BRAIDING MACHINE”.
  * Clarke has no idea what to do with them sometimes and Bell is just, cool as a cucumber, “Oh this stage is totally normal”. 
  * “Are you sure honey? Are you sure she should be screaming like that?”
  * “TOTALLY NORMAL CLARKE, I CAN HANDLE ALL THE GIRL SHIT TRUST ME”.
  * After 3 girls they are done. Game over. Clocked out of life. 
  * But Blake babies are just accidental sometimes. 
  * They finally have a boy. 
  * And Bellamy is fucked. 
  * He’s not prepared for that.
  * HE LOST ALL HIS CHILL.
  * HE GETS PEED ON.
  * A LOT. 
  * And he’s just like “OH GOD LOOK AT HIS LITTLE PENIS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING”.
  * And Clarke gives him ‘the look’ like “you were one of those”.
  * To which Bellamy replies, “I WAS NOT, TAKE IT BACK”.
  * Bellamy has panic attacks about not being able to play catch even though Clarke reminds him that baseball died out 100 years ago. 
  * “BUT WHAT IF IT COMES BACK. WHAT IF THE KIDS SUDDENLY GO ‘RETRO’”.
  * Then he starts panicking about teaching his son to pee standing up. 
  * Clarke's getting pretty annoyed by this point because “he’s 2 days old you have time to prepare”.
  * Bellamy is pretty distracted by his new realization.
  * “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT MASTERBATION?!?!”
  * Clarke begs him, “we have so much time please calm down”.
  * But every time his son cries at night Bellamy gets up and goes to him and just shakes his head, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault you’re a boy and I have no clue what to do to you”
  * Day three he just holds up his hands, “NOPE. CLARKE I’M TAGGING YOU IN. YOU’RE UP TO BAT…APPARENTLY THAT’S BASEBALL SHIT BTW…I DID THE GIRLS NOW IT’S YOUR TURN”
  * Eventually he’s knocking down Octavia and Lincoln’s door because they have a boy already. 
  * But Octavia is strutting around, occasionally laughing manically at him, sending her 5 year old boy to drop stuff over to Bellamy to parade him about. 
  * Bellamy is so done, “ARE YOU SHOWING OFF O?!”
  * Which is obvious because most of the time Octavia’s son is just dropping off a note that says “U SUCK”or “LOL”(they brought LOL back). 
  * One time she hit below the belt with a note that says, “heard you got peed on sucka”
  * And Bellamy wants to grimace and curse his sister but there is his adorable nephew staring up at him with a big smile on his face. 
  * So he has to say “Thanks Buddy”without crying. 
  * But Bellamy has a plan. 
  * He sends him back with a note saying “I taught him a bad word”
  * Octavia reads this, looks down at her only son who, sweet as pie looks up at her and says, “Uncle Bellamy said you were so shitty. He said it means you’re smart!”
  * But he doesn’t stop there, “Does that mean Daddy is shitty too?”
  * Clarke has to go smooth things over with Octavia before she teaches the Blake kids Grounder swearing. 
  * But it’s too late. 
  * And Bellamy ends up going to see his sister like, “OCTAVIA BLAKE WHY DID YOU TEACH MY ANGELS TO SAY TWAT WAFFLE IN GROUNDER??!?!!”
  * Clarke pops out from behind him, “sorry he’s just really sensitive about getting peed on ok”.
  * Bellamy ignores her of course, “WHAT DOES TWAT WAFFLE EVEN MEAN OCTAVIA!?!?”
  * Octavia explains, “IT MEANS STOP TEACHING MY SON SWEARS BECAUSE YOU GOT PEED ON”
  * Bellamy tries to roll his eyes, “that was *one* time”but one of his precious angels chimes in, “yeah, just one time today. It happens everyday.”
  * And he’s like “NOOOOOOOO”
  * Bellamy raised his precious angels too honest for the Blake family war. 
  * Eventually it gets around that Bellamy Blake, ultimate family man, is so confused by raising his boy.
  * People, obviously, start messing with him.
  * Of course the first person to betray him is Reyes. 
  * Raven comes over to hold the baby and right before she gives him back she gives him a little pinch. 
  * So the baby wails forever and Bellamy is convinced it’s his fault. 
  * While he’s distracted with that Raven messes with his baby monitor so it picks up other babies. 
  * It keeps Bellamy up constantly and when he goes to check on the baby (that wasn’t crying) he wakes him up. 
  * Clarke eventually saves him though because he’s too overtired and snappy at other people. 
  * “No more Raven. You gotta wait another year but then you bring up how you’re thinking about starting a baseball league”
  * So in a few years, conveniently enough, every other parent is prepared as hell for the baseball league that suddenly pops up. 
  * Because by the time his son turns 3 Bellamy is finally not having a panic attack. 
  * Then little league happens. 
  * Bellamy’s precious angel daughters are all rough and tumble. 
  * But his son is sort of a worrier because he grew up under the PANIC ATTACK OF BLAKE. 
  * So Bellamy takes his girls to shoot guns but his son is the baby elephant from Tarzan. 
  * He’s basically Tantor. 
  * “Dadddd are you sure this ‘baseball’thing is safe?”
  * “I don’t want to get dirty because I don’t like the feeling of being dirty. MOM SAID GERMS CAN KILL”.
  * Bellamy is torn because on one hand he’s sassy about it, “Mom also said you’d get a healthy immune system if you’re exposed to a few”.
  * But on the other hand he’s like, “MY PRECIOUS SON STAY INDOORS MY BOY”.
  *  "Dad. Are you drinking that water from the Stream?! Are you going to get dysentery and die?!”
  * “WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT DYSENTERY?!?! HAVE YOU BEEN READING YOUR MOMS MEDICAL BOOKS AGAIN? WE BANNED YOU FROM THOSE!!”
  * “YOU WILL NOT GET CANCER FROM THE GRASS”
  * “I WAS FRICKIN BORN IN SPACE. YOU WERE BORN HERE. YOU WILL NOT DIE OUTSIDE”.
  * Then 10 seconds later, “Oh you have a tummy ache? WHERE IS DR.MOMMY. I THINK HE HAS A FEVER CLARKE”.
  * Running through camp with his boy in his arms, “CLARKE HE IS A LITTLE PINK. I THINK I HEARD A WHEEZE. CLARKE CHECK HIS BREATHING”. 
  * Of course his son is a traitor in so many more ways than the worrying. 
  * Little Jake loves his Grandma Abby. 
  * From the time he’s young. Jake Blake pees on Bellamy but sleeps peacefully in Abby’s arms. 
  * Bellamy just stares at him sometimes like “WTF KID?!? I HELPED MAKE YOU. GRANDMA ABBY HATES ME. YOU ARE A TRAITOR”. 
  * Obviously one day it will all get too much and Bellamy will go to Clarke and asks her the most serious question ever. 
  * “Clarke you know I love and trust you 1000000% but I need to ask…are we sure he’s my son?”
  * Clarke just punches him in the face and walks away to cook dinner.
  * And eventually Jake tried to start defending it, “But dad Grandma taught me about sun damage. She says we need sunscreen”. 
  * But Bellamy gets exasperated by this, “LOOK AT MY COMPLEXION! I am meant for the sun and so are you kid!”
  * “But Dad Grandma says freckles are a preemptive sign of skin cancer and sun damage”
  * “YOUR MOM LOVES FRECKLES ASK HER”.
  * Jake has him now, “Mom says she loves me either way so I don’t *need* to risk freckles”
  * The first time he gets sunburnt is a panic attack. 
  * “MOM I AM PINK. I AM GOING TO DIE IT HURTS”.
  * Bellamy is stuck between “suck it up”and “I’LL GET THE ALOE SIT DOWN DON’T CRY”. 
  *  "You were born in the wrong time kid. You'd have loved the ark. Fucking loved it," he mumbles under his breath as he walks away once the panic is over. 
  * And his son, with his legit bat hearing, replies, “Grandma says the ark was much safer”
  * Bellamy spins around, “WE WERE COSER TO THE SUN”
  * “ GRANDMA FORGOT TO MENTION YOU WOULDN'T EXIST”
  * “ AND SHE'D HAVE HAD ME FLOATED BEFORE SHE LET ME MARRY YOUR MOM”
  * “ GRANDMA FORGOT TO MENTION WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH OXYGEN”
  * By now Clarke appears trying to calm him down, “Bellamy. He is 5. Stop it”.
  * So Bellamy tells her, “he needs to know, his love for his grandmother is unnatural”. 
  * "HISTORY HAS TO BE PASSED DOWN AND GRANDMA IS PULLING REVISIONIST SHIT ON MY KIDS”.
  * “EVEN MY CRAZY MOTHER KNEW HISTORY WAS IMPORTANT”. 
  * Which eventually becomes “That’s it I’m taking away a half hour from the girls outside time and sitting them all down for daily history lessons”. 
  * “I’m taking Jake’s history time from his visitation time to Grandma Abby”
  * “CLARKE is this what the ark elementary is teaching kids?! I gotta get in there and talk to them”.
  * “DID YOU KNOW THEY ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK ABOUT ROMAN HISTORY?! I COULD SPEND ONE WEEK ON THE AQUEDUCT SYSTEM”
  * “CLARKE THEY ONLY COVER ANCIENT GREECE ONCE. NOT ONCE A YEAR. ONCE. EVER. WHAT THE FUCK”.
  * Bellamy cares about education so much that eventually his ideas become, “I KNOW IVE GOT WORK ON THE COUNCIL BUT MAYBE I SHOULD QUIT AND WORK AT THE SCHOOL. THEY’RE CLEARLY UNDER QUALIFIED”.
  * “MAYBE I SHOULD START MY OWN SCHOOL”
  * He does. He calls it the ‘Blake Learning Centre: WHERE HISTORY COMES TO LIFE’.
  * He rustles up some costumes (from somewhere nobody knows) and every time the kids come in he’s in full regalia and doesn’t break character. 
  * He drags Monty, Miller, Monroe in to it. There’s a whole group, all unhappy to be there, all begrudging that he roped them into it, all complaining that they have *actual* jobs to do. 
  * He just tells them all to shut up and gives them parts because, “THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN HISTORY”.
  * “I need you to be Zeus and you can be Hercules and MILLER COME HERE. YOU CAN BE HERA BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE LEGS FOR IT”. 
  * Monty agrees and slyly asks Bellamy if they can borrow the costume later.
  * Miller is mouthing “No”and luckily for him Bellamy distractedly replies, “No we’re refashioning it again tomorrow as Medusa to finish out our mythology week”.
  * Miller is quick to raise his hand, “NOT IT”. 
  * Of course the only child who really doesn’t enjoy the shows, who hates history and would much rather be doing math? 
  * Jake Blake son of Bellamy Blake. 
  * Bellamy is like, “NO SERIOUSLY IS THIS MY KID??”
  * Clarke hits him again. 
  * The whole process happens once a year at least. 
  * She has a very good left hook from all the practice. 
  * After Bellamy gets home from an evening of teaching he tells Jake, “I should change your name to Brutus”
  * “BTW SON YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HOW CLEVER THAT REFERENCE IS IF YOU CAME TO MY HISTORY LESSONS”
  * “GIVE ME A COURTESY LAUGH OR I AM BURNING YOUR MATHS HOMEWORK”
  * When Jake becomes a teenager that’s when it really gets fun. 
  * Bellamy just goes straight to, “YOU THINK I’M BAD? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT GRANDMA AURORA”
  * Or equally.
  * “YOU WANT TO CRY ABOUT YOUR UNFAIR LIFE? LET’S GO TALK TO AUNT OCTAVIA ABOUT UNFAIR”.
  * “THAT’S RIGHT SHE’S GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE FLOOR AGAIN BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TOLD ENOUGH”.
  * “YOUR MOTHER AND I DIDN’T KILL A THOUSAND INDIGENOUS PEOPLE FOR YOU TO TALK BACK TO HER LIKE THAT”
  * That’s when Clarke appears. “BELLAMY BLAKE SHUT UP. TOO FAR”.
  * Bellamy grumbles, “he started it”. 
  * When they named him though Clarke was like,  "I want to name him after my father but we should call him Jacob, it sounds better”.
  * Bellamy refused. Now his son is called Jake Blake. 
  * And now Bellamy calls him Jake Blake every damn day. Octavia too.
  * It drives Clarke crazy. 
  * “Come on Jake Blake please stop peeing on Daddy”.
  * Whispers “Jake Blake it is 3am and Mommy has already fed you. You gotta stop crying”. 
  * Clarke chimes in from bed, “maybe he’ll stop crying if you stop calling him Jake Blake”. 
  * “NONSENSE. MOMMY IS SPEAKING SLEEP DEPRIVED NONSENSE”.
  * When Jake Blake asks, “Dad why do you always say both names?”
  * Bellamy is at least honest.
  * “Because my dear, sweet Jake Blake, it annoys your mom”.
  * But by year 4 it's just habit. 
  * That’s the kid’s name. 
  * Everyone calls him it. 
  * Except Clarke. 
  * Until one day. 
  * When she gets so mad and so frustrated. 
  * It slips out. 
  * And Bellamy pops out of the shadows like a ninja. 
  * “DID SOMEBODY SAY JAKE BLAKE??!?!? I HEARD YOU HOLLER FROM 10 MILES AWAY”
  * “I’VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS DAY”
  * His confetti canon goes off and while he’s standing in the middle of it he yells, “I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN. RAVEN HELPED ME SET THIS UP”.
  * Half the camp enters in shirts that say “HAPPY JAKE BLAKE DAY”which Bellamy has been making in secret for years. 
  * Jake was actually close to tears because he was getting reprimanded so now he’s just confused. 
  * “Why are there so many t shirts with my name on?”
  * But Bellamy picks him up and throws him in the air like a hero. 
  * “It’s a parade for you buddy. SUPER HERO JAKE BLAKE”. 
  * Bellamy’s precious angels just roll their eyes.
  * Especially Persephone who just turned 12 and has recently stopped being a Daddy’s girl. 
  * “Daddy never made us shirts”the girls all whine from the corner, where they are wearing Jake Blake shirts. 
  * Clarke says "Oh girls. These shirts aren't for Jake. They're to mock me. Never underestimate how far your father will go for a joke”.
  * Persephone does smile once though when Bellamy comes over to her and says, “YOUR MOM DID IT! I KNEW YOUR TSHIRT IDEA WAS BRILLIANT”because she actually thought of it when she was like 9. 
  * And when he walks away Clarke leans over again, “Don’t forget. Jake may have this moment but he also peed on your father multiple times a day. Every day for a year. Your remember Persephone”.
  * That’s her second smile of the day, as she remembers it. 
  * Her sisters, who are still Daddy’s girls, are like, "Persephone why are you hating on the BEST DAD IN THE WORLD?”
  * She looks at them knowingly like, “you wait until he tells you that you can learn to use a gun but you can’t date a boy”. 
  * Clarke of course has tried to convince him that boys are ok, “Look at Octavia”she says, “she turned out fine”. 
  * So Bellamy tried to ban visits to Auntie Octavia from the ages of 12 up because she’s a bad influence.
  * And Octavia pouts because “we do sword fighting every Thursday though”. 
  * “I WILL COVER THE SWORD TRAINING NOW SAMURAI OCTAVIA. RIGHT AFTER BLAKE LEARNING CENTRE”
  * He will also ask Clarke to tell the girls that he was her first boyfriend and they waited until marriage. 
  * She of course laughs in his face. 
  * “Bellamy sex is normal and healthy”
  * Aghast his response is “CLARKE THESE ARE OUR BABIES YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”. 
  * “CLARKE WE MADE THESE PRECIOUS ANGELS AND PRECIOUS THEY SHALL STAY”.
  * "DO WE HAVE ANY OF THOSE BIRTH CONTROL IMPLANTS FROM THE ARK LEFT?! They'll never know. Well tell them they're having their tonsils removed”.
  * When Clarke says no he actually goes to ask Abby. 
  * Who laughs him out of her office.
  * He huffs out. 
  * Mumbling, “and you claim to hate me and my family line, eugh, faker”. 
  * And when he gets home Clarke points out that "if you gave them the birth control implant you'd basically be giving them the chance to have sex with no consequences”.
  * “OK FINE SO I’M OFTEN RASH AND DONT THINK THINGS THROUGH. But have you met our darling third daughter Antonia?! She is basically me. You want that one having sex? YOU DON’T”.
  * “REMEMBER ME CLARKE. REMEMBER ALL MY SEX?”
  * “I HAD A THREE WAY CLARKE”.
  * “UNSUPERVISED I HAS SEX WITH TWO UNDER AGE GIRLS NOT MY FINEST MOMENT”.
  * “CLARKE I HAD A THREE WAY AND I ONLY KNEW ONE OF THEIR NAMES”.
  * “I STILL CAN’T REMEMBER HER NAME AND SHE LIVES DOWN THE STREET”.
  * “SHE SAYS HELLO TO ME ON A REGULAR BASIS”.
  * Suddenly he realizes. 
  * “MURPHY HAS A BOY”.
  * “THAT FUCKER’S KID IS NOT COMING ANYWHERE NEAR MY ANGELS”.
  * “HE’S THE SAME AGE AS HER CLARKE”.
  * “HOLD UP. BRB. I JUST NEED TO GO HIT MURPHY TO REMIND HIM”.
  * “KEEP YOUR FILTHY KID AWAY FROM MY DARLINGS”. 
  * When he gets back he’s not any calmer. 
  * “ALSO THAT BOY RAVEN AND WICK HAVE…HE LOOKS SHADY”.
  * “WHY DO ALL THE BOYS HAVE SHIFTY EYES NOW?”
  * “I DIDN’T HAVE SHIFTY EYES”.
  * And Clarke has a hand over her eyes because she’s not sure she can look at him right now and she’s like, “He’s 3”. 
  * “WON’T BE 3 FOREVER”, he shouts. 
  * Clarke will try to settle him down with, “I think daughter number two might be into girls”. 
  * It kind of works. 
  * “That’s perfectly fine. She won’t get pregnant then”. 
  * “BUT NO SLEEPOVERS WITH HER FRIENDS. I WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY”.
  * “AND NO CAMPING TRIPS. DADDY AIN’T NO FOOL”.
  * “OH GOD SHE VOLUNTEERED TO GO ON A SCIENCE TRIP NEXT WEEK. DOES SHE EVEN LIKE SCIENCE?”
  * Eventually Clarke is off the charts sarcastic about it, “do you want to just lock them all away to be safe?”
  * And he’s like, “THAT’S THE BEST IDEA YOU HAVE EVER HAD. LET’S DO IT”.
  * “BUT WHERE?”
  * Light bulb before Clarke can protest. 
  * “LET’S GO BACK TO THE BUNKER”.
  * “THE GUNS AND BLANKET ONE”
  * “IT WAS ON A HILL”
  * “NICE VIEWS”
  * “WE CAN TELL THEM THE TALE OF HOW WE FELL IN LOVE! (AND HOW THEY SHOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE THEMSELVES BECAUSE IT’S NOT SAFE)”
  * Clarke looks like she wants to kill him but she bites, “What do you mean? You taught me to shoot a gun and a guy tried to kill us?”
  * He just tilts his head a little, “I forgot that wasn’t the moment for you, sorry”.
  * Before they know it he has packed the bags.
  * The girls are upset they can’t find items of clothing because stuff has been disappearing. 
  * “Mom where’s my purple top?”
  * Bellamy calls out from the nether, “YOU DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW…I MEAN I RUINED IT IN THE WASH”.
  * He makes a breadcrumb trail to the bunker like he’s the Pied Piper. 
  * He has these bags of clothes and personal belongings over his shoulder and he’s whistling as he drops things here and there to lead them to his bunker. 
  * It’s surprising he gets any work done. 
  * One day Miller jokes about him quitting to be a stay at home parent and he considers it VERY seriously. 
  * But Clarke has a panic attack because she needs him to stay at work for everyone’s sanity. 
  * And so the kids don’t hate him for stalking them. 
  * And Clarke finds Miller and punches him like, “I CAN’T HAVE HIM HOME ALL DAY ARE YOU KIDDING!?”
  * “THE KIDS WILL MURDER HIM”.
  * “ACTUALLY MURDER HIM!”
  * “HAVE YOU MET MY HUSBAND?”
  * Miller just laughs and says it was a bet between Monty, Jasper and Harper. 
  * Bellamy is VERY upset when he finds out they have been betting on him. 
  * And he’s like, “YOU ALL JUST SIGNED UP FOR AN EXTRA WEEK OF HISTORY REENACTMENTS FOR THIS HORSE SHIT”.
  * “MILLER SINCE YOU WERE THE RINGLEADER YOU ARE PLAYING ALLTHE WOMEN”.
  * “EVEN IF THERE IS TWO IN ONE SCENE”.
  * Monty is secretly pleased and is glad he told Bellamy that it was all Millers idea. 
  * Miller knows though and he stage whispers to Monty, “snitches get stitches”. 



 

 


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